Xiaolin Fairytales Collection
by Robin Uses Wings Of Tanabi
Summary: Xiaolin Fairytales: a collection of Xiaolin Showdown and Disney classic stories with classic misc. tales and nursery rhymes! Current: Sleeping Omi.
1. Introduction

Hi, people. Welcome to my third written fiction, "Xiaolin Fairytales: A Collection of Crack Xiaolin Showdown/Disney Classic Stories."

I have written a short story fiction and a song fiction, and it is about time I made a one-shot collection, but with a twist – all of these are actually pretty long stories. But to continue this collection, I need your help!

Please review me, and give me some older Disney movie names – ones that aren't like _Finding Nemo_ or _The Incredibles_. The more princess and related to princess crap there is in the suggestion the better, okay?

Other things that you might want to go for are those cute little fairytales such as _The Three Little Pigs_, and possibly nursery rhymes – those might be shorter, but that's fine.

Here are a few limitations:

Like I said before, don't – I repeat – DO NOT give me more current movie ideas – I will shoot them down – sorry.

If you are to give me a story with animals, such as the _Lion King_, there is a HUGE possibility that it will be very, very, VERY crazy.

The princess stories are classics, which make them easier to write about. If you are to give me a more complicated suggestion, the story might take longer to write.

Do NOT give me any suggestions for Cinderella please, because I already have that story covered.

In your suggestion, do not give me what you think any of the characters should be as I will, I once again apologize, ignore them. If you want to give me a suggestion on the movie Blah, then type in for the review: "I would appreciate it if you could write the story Blah." Do NOT say: "I would appreciate it if you could write the story Blah, and have Clay playing Goop and –" NO. PLEASE DON'T do that.

I will begin writing these stories starting on September 6, 2006, for I am on vacation. I just happened to write this small start-off on my laptop. When I get back, I will type like I was crazy. Please submit, and I WILL mention your name in the disclaimer.

Here is a simple disclaimer that I will say in EVERY single story – any derogatory remarks that I will point to any character will just make the story move along – I will not mean it 99.9 of the time.

Please write to me, and in about half a month, I will begin! Thank you, and PLEASE write to me with the rules above, and please review the story that I wrote for you.


	2. Kimirella

_Okay. I couldn't resist writing a story, so I found the time on my vacation to write this story. I don't know if it's funny or not, but please be as critical as possible when reviewing! Reviews encourage me, so if there aren't any reviews, the stories will come more slowly._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown or Cinderella or any part of the true Disney Production Co. Any or all of the insults directed to characters I probably do not mean._

**Kimirella**

Ruwot: Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Kimirella, who lived in London with her dear father, Chase.

Kimiko: SWEET! I'm the main character! What? He did WHAT? (Starts fuming) Chase Young is NOT my father!

Chase: Muahahaha…

Ruwot: Do you not KNOW the story of Cinderella? Jeez, you ARE loud.

Kimiko: (Starts to get ready to explode, but Ruwot continues the story)

Ruwot: Chase thought that Kimirella needed a mother, so he remarried a very nice lady named Wuya –

Kimiko: WHAT THE HELL! I CAN'T –

Ruwot: and her two daughters, Anaclaya and Drizomiella…and yeah.

Omi: (In a wig and a dress that make his derriere look big) What kind of names are Anaclaya and…DRIZOMIELLA! This is repulsive to a monk of my stature!

Ruwot: I don't know, ask the producer!

Clay: (Also in a wig and magnifying-rear dress) Y'all ARE the doggone producer.

Ruwot: AHEM. So Wuya, Anaclaya, and Drizomiella (fuming at the moment) were very kind to Kimirella, until Chase died.

Chase:…

Ruwot: Okay, Chase. Get off the stage please.

Chase: But this was my big debut in Hollywood…

Ruwot: No, this is your SMALL debut on my laptop! Now get off the stage.

Chase: (From The Memoirs of a Geisha) I want a life that is MINE!

Everyone: (Rolling their eyes) Then get off the frigging stage!

Chase: (Sobbing, runs out the studio door.)

Ruwot: Chase finally dead, Wuya and her daughters could finally reveal themselves for the monsters they were.

Wuya: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Omi and Clay: (Staring into space) Oh, what? Oh…um. Hiho hiho hiho…?

Wuya: (Shaking her head) No, it's "Mu-a-ha-ha-ha."

Omi and Clay: (Still staring stupidly, but now at Wuya) Moo?

Wuya: (Slaps her forehead) NO YOU IMBECILES!

(Starts rapid fire of dark magic, Wuya starts chasing Clay and Omi, who are running and screaming.)

Wuya: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ruwot: CUT!

(Intermission)

(Wuya is in that asylum wrapping thing for crazy people, Clay and Omi are bandaged and looking very angry.)

Ruwot: Continue! So Kimirella had to suffer loads of chores (Kimiko looks like she's bored), prejudice remarks (Kimiko yawns), and a torn up dress.

(Wuya holds out a dingy dress.)

Kimiko: (Eyes widen) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Wuya: MUAHAHA – (notices that Clay and Omi are watching her) Oh, never mind.

Ruwot: Months later, we find Kimirella in the attic, which is her dirty bedroom, about to wake up.

(Under a pillow, Kimiko is breathing slowly and steadily. Two blue birds fly into her room and do that sweet little pecking think to wake her. She doesn't awaken. One of the birds starts chirping "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.")

Kimiko: (Holds out her arms) Wudai Mars – Fire!

(The birds are cooked to a crisp.)

Kimiko: (Sits up) It's bad enough I have to role-play like this; I don't want any stupid animals around with their bacterial crap to bother me! And there is NO way I am singing! (Looks in a direction) And you STUPID MICE better not come within TEN FEET OF ME, CAPICHE?

(Mice, looking through a hole, start to curse quietly as they leave.)

Kimiko: AND I'M NOT GONNA FREE ONE OF YOUR STUPID FRIENDS FROM THAT CAGE!

Ruwot: Kimirella begins her hard day. First, she makes her bed.

Kimiko: (Gets ready to make her bed, but sees birds already doing it.) Wudai Mars – Fire!

(More birds are cooked to a brown as they fall to the ground.)

Ruwot: (Starts to sweat) Kimirella starts to undress as she takes her morning shower.

Kimiko: (Fuming) That better be a typo.

(Birds hold up the sponge as they get ready to squeeze the water onto the still not undressed Kimiko. Kimiko rolls her eyes, and without any words, more birds are burned to a crisp.)

Ruwot: Okay, then, ah ha. Next she needs to go feed the animals –

Kimiko: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ruwot: Go feed the animals, but first must go to Stepmother Wuya's room to retrieve Lucifer.

Kimiko: Ugh…please don't tell me that's Katnappe or something stupid like that.

Ruwot: (Begins to sweat again)…

Kimiko: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wuya, Clay, and Omi: (In their current characters, shout) SHUT UP, KIMIRELLA!

Omi: (Silently in his room with Clay) I am _most_ enjoying this power over a female!

(A slap is heard before Omi gives a brisk shout.)

(Kimiko leaves to go to Wuya's room, which is much more extravagant than her own. She finds Katnappe snoring in one of those cat cushion things.)

Kimiko: My, Katnappe, what a big EGO you have!

Katnappe: (Glaring) The better to assault you with, my so-not dear.

Kimiko: Just get up. I need to go feed you. (Shivers)

Katnappe: (Does that walk thing that Lucifer does in the movie; it looks really stupid.) I HEARD THAT, RUWOT!

Ruwot: (Now that people figured out that this parentheses thing is sometimes me talking, I have to laugh sheepishly. Hi, Mom!)

(Kimiko and Katnappe race downstairs to find Bruno this is an average dog, doing his weird thing on the rug.)

Kimiko: (At the moment listening to her iPod) Oh, what? Oh, right; that's my cue. Bruno, are you having another dream about chasing Lucifer?

(Bruno nods, smiling, I guess.)

Kimiko: Okay, whatever.

(Bruno looks confused. Katnappe then strikes Bruno on the nose, and Bruno pounces to attack her. Katnappe gets ready to be saved by Kimiko, but Kimiko watches evilly from afar. Katnappe starts to whimper.)

Ruwot: As Katnappe gets, er, maimed, Kimirella steps into those Dutch shoes and walks outside with a basket of corn as she gets ready to generously give to the barnyard animals.

Kimiko: (Eating the corn) Huh, what? Oh. (Starts to toss corn)

(The mice that, in this story, didn't have to maneuver through a healthy cat easily got to Kimiko. Kimiko, on the other hand, did not give them corn, but screamed and stepped on them. The mice are now 100 dead.)

Ruwot: Kimirella walks inside to hear three bells ringing and the screaming of her Stepmother and two stepsisters. It is time to prepare their breakfasts.

Kimiko: (Walks over to the bells) What the hell is this? (Grabs scissors and snips them off.)

Ruwot: Uh, it _was_ time to prepare their breakfasts. Anyway, a few days later, Kimirella is scrubbing the floors and singing the "Nightingale" song.

Kimiko: (Scrubbing the floors, looks up and growls) What did I say about singing?

Ruwot: Oh yeah. (Starts to sweat yet again.) Okay, so Kimirella is scrubbing the floors and listening to Wuya, Anaclaya, and Drizomiella singing the "Nightingale" song.

(Upstairs, square-dance music can be heard. Chanting by Clay is taking place, and Omi screaming and Wuya crying is also heard.)

Ruwot: The doorbell rings, and Kimirella answers it and sees a very fat person holding a letter. He gives it to Kimirella and is off.

Kimiko: (Looks at it questioningly) What is in this letter? I better keep the letter to myself.

Ruwot: AHEM.

Kimiko: Fine. I better show it to Stepmother Wuya.

Ruwot: Kimiko goes upstairs to the room of musical mayhem and knocks on the door. Wuya answers the door as the music, chanting, and screaming stops.

Wuya: (Relieved) Oh, thank _evil_ that's over! I mean, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO INTERRUPT OUR MUSIC SESSION, KIMIRELLA!

Kimiko: I know, but I got a letter from a fat man!

Wuya: Oh, then this must be important.

(Wuya opens the letter, reads it, and starts to become excited.)

Kimiko: Do you need to, like, go to the restroom or something?

Wuya: (Starts to jump up and down) It's a summons from the king! They are holding a royal ball for the prince to marry, and every maiden (Looks at Clay and Omi in disgust) is, uh, eligible.

(Kimiko rolls her eyes.)

Wuya: This is the perfect chance to cause mayhem in London and spread evil all over the world!

Ruwot: WHAT!

Wuya: I mean, he-he, have either Anaclaya or Drizomiella to marry the prince, and become royalty, and, in hierarchy, rule London!

(Clay and Omi tilt their heads to one side.)

Clay: So you…uh, want us to act and scream and squeal like a li'l girly girl on a hot –

Omi: (Interrupting the stupid simile) No. It is against my manly honor to act like a female!

(A split second later, a red mark in the shape of a hand appears twice on Omi...hint, hint.)

Omi: (In much pain) OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!

Kimiko: (Pleased) Muahahaha…

Wuya: (Pointing at Kimiko) You see? She can laugh perfectly well while you_ ingrates_ cannot! I am _so_ unhappy. (Pouts)

(Silence)

Ruwot: Omi! Clay! You know what to do!

Clay: (Blushes, says slowly in a fake, high-pitched voice) Eh-he-he-he! I can't wait until this ball thing to meet this prince…!

Omi: (With the same expressions as Clay) Yes, and dance the night away and hope he (about to vomit) proposes to one of us.

Ruwot: Anaclaya and Drizomiella then started a fist fight to see who would marry the prince.

(Clay and Omi are silent. Ruwot coughs. Omi gives a small slap on Clay's shoulder. Clay gives a small punch on Omi's shoulder, and Omi is sent flying. Wuya and Kimiko just roll their eyes and sigh.)

Ruwot: Meanwhile at the Royal Palace, the King of England, Fungary, is blustering mad at his son and is taking it out on his right-hand man, Sire Guan.

Master Fung: (Not angrily) I do not understand why my son does not want to marry.

Master Monk Guan: (Pretending that Master Fung is angry) Please, Your Highness! Do not be so angry!

Master Fung: I shall be as angry as I want to.

Master Monk Guan: (Hides behind a chair) No! Please don't throw that!

Master Fung: This being my room, I shall throw anything I want to.

Master Monk Guan: No, you shan't! It is not the boy's fault that he does not want to marry!

Ruwot: King Fungary then knocked out the books between the book holder things that were in the shape of a girl and a boy.

Master Fung: (Set the books aside) A boy and a girl must fall in love almost at first sight, and marry. (He put the two figures together.) Because after they do, there will be grandchildren.

Kimiko: (Even from a distance, her shouting can be heard) WHHHATTTTT! We're not getting that far in the movie, are we?

Ruwot: (Shouting) No!

(Kimiko is silent.)

Master Fung: This ball is the perfect chance for him to meet the girl of his dreams.

Ruwot: Back at the home of Kimirella, Kimirella pleads Stepmother Wuya to allow her to attend the ball.

Kimiko: (Sighs in jadedness) May I attend the ball?

Wuya: Only if you finish your chores.

Kimiko: (Rolls her eyes) No hurry there.

Ruwot: When Kimirella leaves to finish her chores, um, quickly, Wuya turned to her two daughters.

(Clay and Omi grimace and scowl.)

Clay: (Also sighs in jadedness) Why did you allow Kimirella to attend the ball?

Omi: (Also x2 sighs in jadedness) I thought you wanted us to marry the prince.

Wuya: Yes, but I said _if_ she finished her chores. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Clay and Omi: (Weakly) Oh, _if_. Ha. (Leave)

Wuya: (Slumps) Oh, you two are no fun.

Ruwot: Hours later after all the chores are finished Kimirella slowly walks into her attic bedroom, weary from labor. She despairs for she has nothing to wear for the ball.

(Kimiko bursts into the room, looking bored but not tired, and walks in and gets her phone out. Then birds and mice open the door of her wardrobe to reveal a violet-velvet dress, beautifully made with bronze-colored ribbons draping to make the dress look ornate. Next to it was an amethyst necklace with a string of chained silver. The small animals all shout, "Surprise!")

Kimiko: (Surprised) WHAT THE HELL! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME WITHIN TEN FEET OF ME! AND I THOUGHT I EXTERMINATED YOU MICE! (Starts to burn everything except for the dress to a crisp) Thanks for the nice dress though.

Ruwot: Kimirella, now pleased, and apparently steamed, put on the dress and ran downstairs. Stepmother Wuya, surprised seeing Kimirella in an extravagant dress, looked at Anaclaya and Drizomiella, who were in even more gaudy and exterior-showy outfits.

(Clay and Omi were smiling, and as Wuya scowled, they gave a fake scowl back at Kimiko.)

Wuya: That is a very nice dress, child. Then I guess that we are off. By the way, where did you get that necklace and that bronze-colored ribbon? (Stares at Clay and Omi)

(Clay and Omi, first confused, then understood.)

Clay: Hey, that's my necklace!

Omi: And that is my ribbon!

(Each held out a hand and said, "Give it back!")

Wuya: (After a long silence) Aren't you supposed to rip the garments off her and tear her dress up?

Clay and Omi: (Blushing) What?

Kimiko and Wuya: (Looking vexed) Just get on with it.

in

(Clay and Omi walk up to Kimiko and slowly and unsurely start to pull pieces of cloth up.)

Kimiko: (Steaming) WHAT ARE YOU, PERVERTS?

Ruwot: Finally. Okay, Anaclaya and Drizomiella start to furiously rip at Kimirella's dress…while sweating…? Stepmother Wuya was looking from the sidelines, pleased. When the dress was in shreds, Anaclaya and Drizomiella were red with anger, yet satisfied, and Kimirella is about to fall on the floor, crying.

(Clay and Omi are blushing scarlet.)

Kimiko: (Uninterested) Boo-hoo.

Ruwot: Eh-he. Okay, so Stepmother Wuya, Drizomiella, and Anaclaya were off to the Royal Ball. Kimirella, way more than crestfallen, ran to the garden and cried on the bench.

Kimiko: (Walks into the garden and sits down slowly on the bench) Boo-hoo, I'm so sad.

Ruwot: Just then, while she was crying, her Fairy Godmother appeared under her and stroked her hair as she unknowingly cried into her lap.

Dojo: (Strained voice) Kimiko! HUH! You're squashing the life outta me!

(Kimiko looks down and screams to see Dojo in an oversized Fairy Godmother cloak)

Ruwot: Or should I say, just then while she was pretending to cry, her Fairy Dojo appeared under her and screamed at her to get up.

Dojo: Ahem. I am your Fairy Dojo, and I am here to make your dreams come true!

Kimiko: (Happy now and not bored) So you'll take me out of this pigsty?

Dojo: (Squinting) No. I will allow you to enter the Royal Ball in the most elegant fashion.

Kimiko: (Pouts) Oh, great. Now, aren't you going to go find a pumpkin and some, uh, mice?

Dojo: You're right! Now where do I find a pumpkin? (Looks around) Hm…it seems like we have a slight problem here. Now where do I find _mice_?

Katnappe: (Appears with a bowl) Huh? No mice?

Kimiko: (Smiles sheepishly) E-he-he…

Dojo: Okay then, let's start with the dress then. (Makes the Cinderella dress of silver with the Cinderella hair, and a glass headpiece to be worn like a crown)

Ruwot: Now that Fairy Dojo has solved the problem of the apparel, she (ha-ha, she) has to solve the problem of the transportation.

Dojo: (Thinks for a while) There is no pumpkin because this is a cheap production, and there are no mice, because they have mysteriously disappeared. So I guess we have to go with a limo.

Kimiko: (Bored) Hooray, I always dreamed of riding in _another_ limo.

Dojo: Sports car?

Kimiko: (Now excited) Sweet!

Dojo: But don't forget, at the stroke of midnight, all of these wonderful things will be gone.

Kimiko: Okay, sure.

Ruwot: At the palace, Kimirella walks up the long line of stairs protected by guards while, in the main hall, Prince Raimundo was meeting every maiden in the land.

Announcers of the Ladies: Her Peasantry, Jacklynn of the Spicer family.

Jack: Why do I have to be a frigging girl? Oh. (Bows)

Raimundo: (In the formal white uniform, gives a disgusted look while bowing curtly) Pleased to meet you.

Ruwot: From the sideline, King Fungary and Sir Guan were fussing over Raimundo's stubbornness to not make an effort to find a girl.

Master Fung: (After a long time) So, how's the temple?

Master Monk Guan: Good. Yours?

Ruwot: (Slaps his head) Okay, so after that, Anaclaya and Drizomiella are introduced to Prince Raimundo, and he stares at them in disbelief, and almost starts to crack up…? But then, from behind the ballroom, a magnificent Asian in a blue-silver dress of glitter with a hair band of the same color. Her raven-black hair was tied back in a loose bun, and she wore a beautiful glass headpiece. It was Kimirella!

Kimiko: WILL YOU FRIGGING STOP CALLING ME THAT? KAMI! ("God" in Japanese)

Raimundo: (Staring at Kimiko greedily) Whoa there, sexy.

Master Fung: Play the music!

Ruwot: As the classical music starts, Kimirella is stopped in her confusion by Prince Raimundo who lent her a hand. Kimirella, smiling, took her hand and began to dance. They were the only ones on the ballroom floor dancing to the beautiful music, holding each other in their arms.

Kimiko: Ugh, this music reeks.

Raimundo: Isn't THAT the truth.

Ruwot: Continuing on now. As they danced past the crowd and into the garden, Stepmother Wuya was watching, and she saw a very familiar resemblance, and became silently wary.

Wuya: (Wide-eyed and loud) THAT'S KIMIRELLA!

Ruwot: Security!

(Security in policemen suits come on stage and starts beating Wuya with a nightstick.)

Ruwot: Oh, eh he, ahem. So, trying to get away from the crowd, Kimirella and Prince Raimundo leave the ballroom and step into the Royal Garden, where they dance and sing at the same time.

Raimundo: QUE O INFERNO! ("What the hell" in Portuguese)

Kimiko: IYA ICHI KINCHOU! ("No one listens to me" in Japanese)

Ruwot: Uh, uh, okay! So they're just dancing, then. (Whispers) Play the recording of the singing! (Regular talking) Okay, so they dance into the forest, AHEM, singing. As they come out, they are slightly weary and are walking over the bridge and toward the fountain. They are looking at each other lovingly, and are about to kiss –

Raimundo: Oh, that's right!

(Raimundo reaches out for Kimiko and start to make out crazily.)

Kimiko: Yeah, BABY!

Raimundo: Oh, that's the stuff!

Ruwot: WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES MIDNIGHT!

(Raimundo and Kimiko are still making out.)

Ruwot: Kimirella, does that RING A BELL?

(Kimiko starts to unbutton Raimundo's uniform thing, and Raimundo takes out the band holding in Kimiko's bun.)

Ruwot: (Sweats) Kimirella says she has to LEAVE right before they, uh, are about to kiss, so she doesn't reveal that she is in tattered clothing!

(Kimiko reverts to her old, ripped up, mouse-made dress, but still has the glass headpiece.)

Kimiko: Rai, do you hear something?

Raimundo: (Surprised) Whoa, Kim! What did you do?

Ruwot: (Slaps his head yet again) Okay, let's compromise. Prince Raimundo is too stupid to realize what happened –

Raimundo: (Angry) HEY!

Ruwot: And lets Kimirella fall to the ground accidentally.

(Raimundo lets Kimiko fall to the ground.)

Kimiko: OOF.

Ruwot: In the process, the glass headpiece falls off –

(Kimiko takes the headpiece off.)

Ruwot: And as Kimirella gets up, she flees.

Raimundo: Oh no! You dropped your headpiece!

Ruwot: She flies past the security –

(The actual security guards are holding nightsticks and Wuya is in a pile of bruises and bandages in a corner.)

Kimiko: AH! (Burns them to a crisp)

Ruwot: Okaaaay. So Kimirella beats up the _real_ security and finds out that the sports car has disappeared.

Kimiko: Crap. So I'll just use the Silver Manta Ray to solve my problems! Silver Manta Ray!

(The Silver Manta Ray, appearing out of nowhere, is held by Kimiko, and the Ray expands to a huge size, and Kimiko flies off. Chicken Little also appears out of nowhere as well.)

Chicken Little: ALIENS!

Raimundo: Wudai Star – Wind! (Blasts Chicken Little to the Ozone Layer) Wrong story! Psh, loser.

Ruwot: Back in the palace, King Fungary and Sir Guan are having a conversation.

Master Fung: It is most troubling that our damsel has fled.

Master Monk Guan: But this glass headpiece has been left behind!

Master Fung: So all we must do is to find every maiden in London, and try to fit this headpiece on.

Master Monk Guan: But what if the headpiece gets stuck?

Master Fung: Before I became a Master, I was an advanced neurosurgeon.

Ruwot: AH! Cut to the next scene!

(Cuts to the scene in which Kimirella is happy right after the, um, chase.)

Kimiko: (Surrounded by the mice who are happy for Kimiko) LEAVE ME FRIGGING ALONE!

Ruwot: Cut to the next scene, cut to the next scene, cut to the next scene! So Stepmother Wuya had just found out that the glass headpiece has been lost, and is about to try it on every single maiden in the land. She is now telling Anaclaya and Drizomiella the good news and that they still have a chance.

Wuya: Good news! You still have a chance!

Omi and Clay: (Rolling their eyes) We heard Ruwot, you hag.

Wuya: Pooh.

Omi and Clay: Winnie…?

Wuya: ARGH! (Starts to fling dark magic spheres at Clay and Omi)

Ruwot: CUT, CUT, CUT!

(Intermission)

Wuya: (Got that drowsy injection from that shotgun, is now on the ground sleeping with a shot bullet inserted in her, ahem, end.) Yes, I will take _Blues Clues_' Blue's hand in marriage.

(Clay and Omi are, once again, in bandages.)

(Wuya wakes up.)

Security: She's awake! Restrain her!

(Puts the asylum clothing on Wuya again.)

Wuya: Oh, Pooh…

Omi: Win –

(Clay slaps a hand over Omi's mouth.)

Ruwot: The Royal Nincompoop and Sir Guan arrive in the limo that was not able to be used for Kimirella.

Chase: Why didn't _I_ get the part for the Royal Nincompoop?

Wuya: He has a _very_ good point there.

Jack: And _I_ had to get the part of the Royal Nincompoop?

Wuya: Well, that's a better point.

Master Monk Guan: Are these two, uh, maidens (points to Clay and Omi) the only maidens in this abode?

Wuya: Yes, they are.

Ruwot: Of course, Stepmother Wuya was lying, for she locked Kimirella in the attic.

Wuya: Huh?

Ruwot: (Raises an eyebrow) Did you not?

Wuya: Oh. OH. Of course I did. (Fake smiles)

Kimiko: (Looking angry) I'm done giving Lucifer _his_ bath.

(Everyone but a confused Kimiko stares at Wuya angrily.)

Wuya: What? WHAT! We all know that it's Kimirella!

Ruwot: But for the sake of the story, let us ignore her and pretend that she is locked up.

Kimiko: Excuse me?

(Everyone turns their back to Kimiko.)

Ruwot: Okaaaay then. The Royal Nincompoop gives the glass headpiece, on a pillow, to Anaclaya. The headpiece is placed on his forehead, and drapes down to his neck.

Jack: The head of Anaclaya is too small for the headpiece! HAHAHA!

Clay: Finding out that I have to marry Raimundo, I don't _give_ a crap.

Kimiko: Okay. Can we try _me_ now?

Omi: Me next! Me next!

Ruwot: Taking the headpiece off Anaclaya, Drizomiella tiresomely fit the headpiece on herself. Finally, it gave a fit, and gave her a squished look.

Jack: IT FITS!

Wuya: (Rolls her eyes) It's no _wonder_ that they made _you_ the Royal Nincompoop.

Jack: Are you trying to insult me?

Wuya: Ugh…

Master Monk Guan: Okay, Drizomiella, take the headpiece off.

Ruwot: Of course, she cannot.

Master Fung: (Appearing out of nowhere – hey, that happens a lot lately, don't you think?) I can get it off. Now all I need is a chainsaw and some –

Omi: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Master Fung starts chasing a psychotic Omi, and does not succeed in catching him.)

Kimiko: (Finally cutting in, burns the headpiece off Omi's head) I'll take that.

Ruwot: Just as Kimirella is about to place the glass crown on her head, Stepmother Wuya, um, breaks the bandages off and breaks the headpiece with the dark magic…?

(Wuya does exactly as said above, and the headpiece shatters into pieces.)

Sir Guan: (Panics) OH NO! OH NO OH NO OH NO!

Ruwot: How will Kimirella get herself out of this one?

Jack: Don't worry! Kimirella has the other one!

Kimiko: (Looks annoyed) Other what?

Jack: She has the other slip…oh. (Smiles stupidly)

Ruwot: Okay, for once Wuya is right.

Wuya: (Looks proud, then angry) Hey!

Ruwot: So, let's pretend that Raimundo really isn't all that stupid –

Raimundo: (Pops in out of, again, nowhere – this is getting clichéd, isn't it?) HEY!

Ruwot: And he knows that Kimirella is the girl. So we cut to the scene of the wedding. Uh, so Kimirella and Raimundo live happily ever after…?

(Mice are cheering in the background and throwing those sprinkle things…Do I really have to say what once again happens to them? Raimundo and Kimiko are making out in the carriage thing, and yeah.)

_Yup, so that was Kimirella! PLEASE REVIEW, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I GET SAD. In your review, give another movie/tale/rhyme so I get inspiration. I am going to keep on writing on my vacation, because it's my right! Okay, TTYL…Pooh. Haha._


	3. Sleeping Omi

_Hello, and here is the next installment of 'Xiaolin Fairytales Collection': _Sleeping Omi_! That's right. If you thought that every single story was going to be a Rai x Kim, then you were wrong! These characters are being forced to be here, so it's not my opinion, so NO FLAMING._

_I would like to fully thank the people who listened to my instruction – your reviews have been very helpful. I would partially like to thank the people that left a review that TOLD ME WHO SHOULD BE WHO. Please, I specifically said not to. Your review will be ignored, but if you send in another one with the correct instruction, I might listen to it. I will not say the names of the three or four people that did that, but please don't do that again._

_Because I have yet another story to finish, I will be cutting this short temporarily. The story is a Rai x Kim called 'Fight Fire with Wind?' After I finish that story, I will continue this one. But the more reviews I see for that, the quicker this story will come out, so please read and review 'Fight Fire with Wind?'! Oh, and if you do review, don't say anything about 'Xiaolin Fairytales Collection', because I will get vexed and write slower. For the sake of other anticipating readers, only talk about 'Fight Fire with Wind?' Warning: if there is one good thing in my writing, it's that I'm good with genres. There is basically no comedy in 'Fight Fire with Wind?' so just to let you know. People still like the shock, though. Thank you._

_For the idea of this story, I would especially like to thank futurecsi93958583 for coming up with this idea first. Secondly, I would like to thank HEARTaGRAM528 for being forced to read this and also coming up with this idea. For a very hilarious part in the story, I would like to than Hanbags who let me use the idea. Whew! This has been quite an author's note. Here's the disclaimer, and don't forget to REVIEW!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown or Sleeping Beauty or any part of the true Disney Production Co. Any or all of the insults directed to characters I probably do not mean._

**Sleeping Omi**

Omi: Oh no! I am not the princess in this story, am I?

Ruwot: (Slightly annoyed) Huh. Yes, you are.

Omi: But then I will have to take the part as a _girl_!

Kimiko: (Slaps Omi on his forehead and leaves a red mark; Omi screams, "OW!") And there's something wrong with that?

Omi: No, no! There is nothing of the matter!

Ruwot: Okay, then. Let us start the story. Once upon a time, the king and queen of France had many years of sorrow for not having a child. Once they did, they call everyone from the land to see the royal infant. Eh, the baby is not an infant any longer, but it is the size of one, so we fit it into a cradle. Oh, that's right! The "it" is a girl!

(From an under-sized cradle, a perceptible "BLEGH" is heard.)

Ruwot: Okay, so the father and mother of the young princess, whose names are hardly important at all –

Master Fung and...Chameleon-Bot in the form of the real queen: Hey! Okay, oh well. We name our daughter Princess Auromi.

Ruwot: Hehehehe…The Royal Prince of the other domain is supposed to have an arranged marriage to the princess.

Kimiko: YOU PEOPLE ARE DAMN ON CRACK! THE DRESS YOU GAVE ME IN KIMIRELLA IS BETTER THAN THIS! It's all tight, and I have to wear BOXERS!

Ruwot: Just then, the three good fairies appear to give their gifts. Their names are Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker.

(Clay, Raimundo, and Jack appear, descending from a mysterious ray of light a.k.a. special effects, in the gowns from _Sleeping Beauty_ with those ugly hats and little wings. Once Clay appears in the red dress, he immediately falls to the ground because of his weight. Raimundo slaps his head as he appears in the green dress, and Jack is shorter and looks a little chubbier around the face and hips as he flies down, blushing, in a blue dress.)

Clay: Oh god! I'm a girl again?

Raimundo: That's RACIST, RUWOT! AND OMI, STAY AWAY FROM KIMIKO!

Jack:…(Still blushing)

Clay: Okay, each of us is going to give you one gift – no more and no less.

Ruwot: The gifts given by Claya and Claudrio, in respective order, are beauty and song. They give _her_ these gifts for they will be important traits later in the story.

Clay: Beauty? OMI? That just downright doesn't make _sense_.

Raimundo: AHEM. Did you listen to him singing in _Kimirella_? Jeez, you never learn.

Jack:…What am I doing here?

Clay: Okay, young – ugh – _sweet_ child, my gift to you is the gift of bigheadedness (can you believe it? That's actually a word.)

A Random Choir That Sings Out of Tune and Out of Time: _The_ gift. The gift of bigheadedness. Physical and Mental as well. Circumferential head and vanity beyond prospect. Ah-ah-ah.

(That nebula thing comes into picture, and an Omi with a small head slowly expands to the normal state.)

Master Fung: Well _that_ explains something.

Omi: GRRR…

Raimundo: Little, _quiet_ princess, _my_ gift is the gift of slang misconception.

Ruwot: (Looking befuddled) What?

Raimundo: You said give _her_ –

Omi: ARGH!

Raimundo: Gifts that give important traits later on in the story. Jeez, if those aren't important traits, I don't know what that means.

A Random Choir That Sings Out of Tune and Out of Time: The Gift. _The_ gift of slang misconception. Can't get one idiom right. "Don't receive poop (give a crap), start to pee (piss) people off." Ah-ah-ah.

(A picture shows Omi talking to people, and those people look confused as question marks appear.)

Clay: Who's part of that random choir that sings out of tune and out of time?

Jack and Wuya: Oh. (Starts to whistle out of tune and out of time)

Ruwot: All of a sudden and out of nowhere, the evil Wuyeficent emerged from a green orb, and a crow flew with her.

Wuya: (Already standing there whistling; looks stupidly at Ruwot) Oh, huh, what?

Ruwot: (Slaps his head) Whatever.

Wuya: Okay, okay. (Booms) Oh, so you didn't invite _me_ to this party?

Ruwot: Everyone remains silent.

Kimiko: Hell no.

Master Fung: No.

Queen-Bot: Negative.

Clay: Yeah right.

Raimundo: Guess not.

Omi: (Sleeping from the gifts; apparently they were medications and he took and overdose) NO! _I_ want to take _Blues Clues'_ Blue's hand in marriage

Jack: NO! STAY, WUYA! I LOVE YOU! (Starts to sing _My Prerogative_ from Britney Spears; I hate her, so that's why I'm using this song)

Jack: (Singing in his horrible voice) They say I'm crazy. I really don't care. That's my prerogative. They say I'm nasty, but I don't give a damn! Getting boys is how I live. Some ask me questions: Why am I so real? But they don't understand me, I really don't know the deal about my sister, trying hard to make it right not long ago before I win this fight, sing. Everybody's talking all this stuff about me. Why don't they just let me live? Tell me why! I don't need permission to make my own decisions, oh! That's my prerogative! It's my prerogative!

(Silence, then)

Kimiko: BOO!

Master Fung: You _are_ crazy.

Queen Bot: As my creator, I can't say anything, but if I were to, you're _nasty_ too!

Clay: Uh, I believe in heterosexuality.

Raimundo: You have a sister? And no one likes to talk about you.

Omi: (Still sleeping) NIGHTMARE! Who let the squirrels out?

Wuya: That…was…BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE YOU TOO!

Ruwot: AHEM. The fighting anytime soon?

Jack: Right. (Pretends to be angry)OOOH – Maleficent.

Ruwot: AHEM. You know what to do.

Jack: (Confused) Uh…no.

Ruwot: You don't?

Jack: (Even more confused) No.

Ruwot: Did you ever watch _Sleeping Beauty_?

Jack: No…I have an entire Winnie the Pooh collection though. Want to hear me sing? Huh, huh?

Everyone in the Entire Studio with a Huge Booming Voice: NO!

Britney Spears: (From across the nation) Ugh.

Brad Pitt or whatever person she married _this_ time: What is it, Can't Take Care of a Baby?

Fag – I mean, Can't Take Care of a – I-I mean Britney Spears: I sense…a disturbance.

(Back at the studio, a stage crew person named Joe walks on stage where Jack is.)

Joe: (Whispers something)

Jack: (Still confused and suspicious) Yeah…

Joe: (Whispers)

Jack: Yeah…

Joe: (Whispers)

Jack: Wait…what?

Joe: (Whispers)

Jack: (Starts to look surprised) I have to do _what_?

Joe: (Whispers)

Jack: (Looks disgusted as if his mind has just been pervertized) With my _what_?

(If you've seen _Sleeping Beauty_ before, you'll know what I'm talking about. When Merryweather gets angry, she begins to move one of her unmentionables side to side rapidly. For the sake of not rotting innocent minds, I am censoring this.)

Jack: (Beet red now) MALEFICENT.

Joe: Censored! Please view this small clip that I have put on for you to watch while we – oh, what? The censor is over? Crud…it was a good clip.

(Everyone but Wuya is staring at Jack like he was a fag.)

Wuya: (Turned on) OH, that was SEXY.

Ruwot: What? Please get back to the CURSE now.

Wuya: Oh yeah. When the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday, she shall prick her finger on a spinning wheel – and be put into a room with a television playing DORA THE EXPLORER.

(Everyone screams)

Queen Bot: (Grabs Omi) YOU CAN'T!

Omi: Get OFF me, cretin!

Wuya: MUAHAHAHA.

Master Fung: Seize her!

Ruwot: And at that moment, putting her even-more-horrible-than-the-original-curse curse on Auromi, Wuyeficent left the building.

Jack: TAKE ME WITH YOU!

Ruwot: Merijacker, aren't you forgetting something?

Jack: (Vomits) Fine. Sweet child, the viewing of an evil girl that sings and waits for you to say something, and even if you didn't, then says, "I like that too" and her creepy, anthropomorphic, boot-wearing freak is a curse of pure malice. If it goes too far in the show, the cue-ball princess will go into a forever coma of insanity, and will soon die. But fear not, for I have charmed the television used to make it so that it plays only the opening over and over, so little you will only be placed in a state of stupefaction until your true love comes and on your lips gives a kiss, and the spell shall break.

Ruwot: That was beautiful. (Sniff)

Jack: Thank you!

Ruwot: _That_ was, not you.

Jack: NO!

Chase: (Appearing out of nowhere) Why haven't I been put into the story yet?

(Everyone in the cast, knowing that they didn't invite Chase back because of his fit in _Kimirella_, either rolls their eyes, starts whistling, does their nails, or changes robotic skins constantly.)

(Everyone stares at Queen Bot in obviousness yet in silence.)

Queen Bot: What, a robot can't have a hobby?

Chase: I wanna be in _Sleeping Omi_! I wanna I wanna I wanna!

Ruwot: (Very annoyed) UGH! Fine, you can be Omi's understudy, and if isn't here or if he needs a stunt done, it's your job.

Chase: YAY!

Ruwot: Now that that's over with, let's continue. King Bot –

Master Fung and "Queen" Bot: Wait – so Queen Bot is the _king_?

(Yes, you silly – robots _do_ address themselves in third person.)

Ruwot: Of course she – he – IT…is. You didn't think that I would make Master Fung the king _again_, did you?

Master Fung: Yes, I did! (Sighs) I'll go change into a…ugh…gown.

Ruwot: I'm not waiting! I need to go to breakfast! So King Bot decided that it wasn't safe for Auromi to stay in the castle, so he sent her away with the three very ugly fairies.

Raimundo: If I'm such an ugly girl, then that makes me a _really_ hot guy.

Crowd of Raimundo Fans: (Burst through the doors) WHOO! WE LOVE YOU RAI!

Raimundo: (Modestly) I know.

Ruwot: Okay, so the three fairies, with Auromi, left to wood disguised as three peasants and hid there for fifteen years. So here begins the wait.

(Silence)

Kimiko: WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR FIFTEEN YEARS?

Ruwot: Well, DUH. What did you think I was supposed to do, cut it down into a legal two hours?

Kimiko: (Glares) GRR.

Ruwot: OKAY, OKAY! We'll cut it down, then. The next scene shows the cottage in the glade. After fifteen years, Auromi was completely oblivious to the fact that she was a princess, and Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker have given her the name Rile Nose.

Omi: (Muffled because he is inside) Wudai Neptune – Water!

(Omi blasts through the top two wooden doors of the window with his water element and is seen in the dress of Aurora, and it is not only too big, but the head hole was too small, so a hole was cut in the chest area and his face pokes out of it, as he looks like he is wearing a hood.)

Omi: (Angry) What is wrong with you?

Ruwot: Let's see. My mother never gave me that popsicle I wanted when I was seven and a half…

Omi: (Slaps his head) I don't want any of your psychiatrics! I just want this story to be over so that I can start looking skinny again!

(From downstairs)

Raimundo: That's phat, Nose (wow, this sounds weird)! Jeez, I wish I never gave him that gift of slang misconception.

Clay: Yeah, at least you don't feel guilty about messing up her dress size.

Jack: WHY DIDN'T I GET TO GIVE A SUCKY GIFT TO CUE-BALL?

(Rumbling begins to take place, and Jack's screaming is heard as well.)

Ruwot: Auromi now goes downstairs to find Claya and Claudrio beating up Merijacker – I-I mean planning Nose's birthday! So they try to hide it and make Nose go out to pick berries.

(Clay and Raimundo are punching Jack for insulting cue-ball – I mean Omi. They turn around shocked, and Jack's face is swollen, his teeth are now bucktoothed in the front, and he has a black eye.)

Omi: (Stares at all of them in silence, then) What are you doing?

Jack: HEWO (swollen lips, too)! THEW BEATING THE CWAP OUTTA ME!

(Clay gives Jack a punch without looking at him; Jack screams, "OW!")

Jack: (Rubbing his face) I mean, we wur just planning you sixteen bird-day supwise!

(Raimundo and Clay scream in anger and jump on Jack and start beating him up again.)

Omi: (Looking freaked out by it all; inching to the door with a basket) Uh, I…am…just…going…to…go…pick…some berries…now.

Ruwot: With that, Nose ran out. In the forest, Nose starts to sing to attract birds and other cute woodland creatures.

Omi: (Starts to mess up slang) What is breaking, y' none (What's cracking, y'all)! These are my house-girls (Homeboys)! Goblinis is out of the architectural structure (Elvis is in the building; if you can understand that, that is good for you!)!

(All of the cute woodland creatures die of his hugeness of head, showy comments, and slang misinterpretation as Ruwot begins to sweat due to the fact that he forgot that the gifts of beauty and song were replaced by the gifts of bigheadedness and…you know what it is, I'm just to lazy to type.)

Ruwot: Oh, crap! Oh, I mean – Prince Philitoho, on his horse, hears the, um, slang, and hurries over to hear what the commotion is about.

Kimiko: AH! I'm not riding a frigging horse! No one listens to me!

(If you read the last chapter, you will know what Kim is talking about. A horse put down (Aw, how sad) is lying on the ground.)

(A Group of Hippies appear.)

A Group of Hippies: On strike, on strike!

Kimiko: Wudai Mars – Fire!

(A Group of Hippies are burned to a crisp.)

One of the Hippies: DUUUUDE.

Ruwot: So she starts pondering what in the world could possibly resounding an, uh, sound.

Kimiko: Oh, I wonder where that idiotic slang could _possibly_ be coming from. COUGH OMI COUGH COUGH.

Ruwot: (Seeing that, because of the horse, she was supposed to drop into the lake and get her clothes wet and have the cute woodland creatures take it away to give to Omi for the little dance gasps for air, for that was all said in one breath we have a problem) We have a problem. Wow, that was redundant.

Kimiko: What's the problem?

Ruwot: (Looking away from Kimiko, steps close to her) Nothing.

Kimiko: EW WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PERVERT?

(Ruwot pushes Kimiko into a pond that magically appears…hey, it's my story; I can do what I want with it.)

Kimiko: ARGH WHAT'S YOUR FRIGGING PROBLEM!

Ruwot: Aren't you going to take off your coat and shoes and hat now?

Kimiko: Perverted fag…

Ruwot: Okay, so Philitoho does exactly as the thing that I said at the top place, and soon enough, cute woodland creatures take them away to Nose, who is sulking because of the pathetic dream she had.

Omi: (Picking his nose) Huh?

Ruwot: (Vomits) Bleh. Philitoho goes running after them, but to no avail.

Kimiko: WUDAI MARS – FIRE! (Guess you saw that coming, huh?)

(The cute woodland creatures are burned to a crisp.)

Ruwot: (Begins to get all sweaty) Okay, due to the burning, and the fact that Auromi was watching, Auromi sees Philitoho for the first time.

Omi: AH!

Kimiko: Oh, you, uh, said it yourself. You saw me once upon a dream, I think.

Ruwot: Okay, so Philitoho and Auromi start to sing (death glare – guess who by?) UH, uh…so Auromi starts to sing.

Omi: (Starts to sing out of tune with bigheaded phrases that don't make sense) IIIIII know YOOOU I walked with you ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE. YOOOU are stupid, oh doesn't that MAKE me SO happy a-shine. (That didn't make sense to you, right? Good.)

(More cute woodland creatures die…yes, I know. I am a cruel, cruel author.)

Kimiko: (Slaps Omi) FAG!

Omi: Want to come over to my cottage in the glade to freeze?

Raimundo: (From VERY, VERY far away) That's CHILL!

Kimiko: YOU WISH!

Ruwot: (Whispering urgently) Send in the stunt double ON the double!

(Kimiko is pushed off the stage – literally. A scream, a crash, and a cat shriek is heard. The replacement is Kimiko-Chameleon Bot.)

Kim Bot: Okay, Omi! I will go to your cottage tonight! It will be dandy!

Kimiko: (Makes a disgusted face, holds her nose and waves out the air in front of her) BOO!

Ruwot: Next scene. We find Claya, Claudrio, and a very beat-up Merijacker baking a cake and making a dress. Merijacker, who…uh…passed out, is the dummy for the dress.

Clay: She's the dummy for anything!

Jack: ZZZZZZ…

Ruwot: Claudrio is looking up from baking a VERY good cake (that shouldn't be very good), and notices Clay fumbling with a needle.

Raimundo: Clay, only if your tailor-making was as good as my baking. (Looks proudly at his four-layer creation of blue, green, pink, yellow and white frosting and deep, dark chocolate slightly below)

Ruwot: Jeez, Fauna wasn't that good of a baker in the story…better ruin the cake. Security, pulverize the cake.

Raimundo: (Looks back at the cake, which is now being hit by security and their nightsticks, who smile sheepishly and run like crazy; starts to sob) MY CAKE! That took five hours to bake!

Ruwot: Like in the story, the cake is mush.

Jack: (Wakes up) What, who, huh? WHY AM I WEARING A DRESS! Ew, and it's horrible, too!

Clay: Hey! I pricked myself with this needle ten times to make this dress!

Jack: You're Emo?

Clay: (Starts to beat Jack up) YOU FRIGGING IDIOT! YOU'RE GONNA WEAR THIS DRESS AND LIKE IT!

Ruwot: CUT!

(Intermission)

(Jack is in a beaten up state, and still in the hideous dress with messed up color and gross fabrics; why else do you think all Clay wears is a bandana and hat for accessorizing? Clay, because he is serving for the better cause –

Jack: HEY!

(Hey, Jack! I'm in omniscient, here! AHEM. Clay is not in asylum wrap or in a shot-down state, but is…getting carried away by Jack Fans with pitchforks and fired stakes?)

Jack Fans: You're going to get pro-owned, you freak!

Clay: Wudai Crater – Earth!

(The floor beneath them – it's a cheap production, so the floor is rock – flies onto Clay as he crushes the Jack Fans with immense weight.)

Jack Fans: OUGH!

Clay: It's not what your weight is, it's the thing that squashes flamers.

Ruwot: Damn-straight. Okay, so you've got a messed up dress and a squashed cake.

Jack: Oh, no! This dress isn't for _Nose_ is it?

Clay: Why do you ask?

Jack: This head hole is too small –

Clay: Well, that's true. Your head is too small due to your lack of brains, so we need to use a watermelon for the sizing instead. Whoo-wee! Omi's head it bigger than a –

Jack: (Interrupting the stupider simile) Now where are we going to find a watermelon…?

Raimundo: (Still crying) CAN'T ANYONE SEE THAT I'M HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN WITH MY MASTERPIECE OF A CAKE! OH MY GOD! HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE? OH MY GOD! DANG IT ALL!

Clay: I think there are some in the neighboring peasantry cottages…

Raimundo: CAN'T ANYONE SEE MY SOBBING OVER HERE! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE INGNORING ME, RIGHT?

Jack: Claya, do you hear something?

Clay: Yeah, it's fainter and more annoying than a –

Raimundo: (Also interrupting as Clay starts to get upset) AAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!

Ruwot: Seeing their fitting problems and cake, Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker decide to bring on the magic wands.

Clay: This should fix our problems!

Jack: Yeah!

Raimundo: (Still having nervous breakdown) NOTHING, I SAY, NOTHING IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO BRING MY WONDERFUL CAKE BACK! NOT EVEN MAGIC! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Starts to run around in circles)

(Everyone on the set except for the Raimundo Fans takes a small…medium…big…okay fine…HUGE step away from the idiosyncratic boy.

Raimundo Fans: WE STILL LOVE YOU, RAI!

One of the Raimundo Fans: Not me anymore…that cake is _dreamy_…

Raimundo Fans: Hey, yeah, you're right…WE LOVE YOU, CAKE THAT WAS BAKED BY RAI!

(Raimundo Fans – that are now the Cake that was Baked by Raimundo Fans – run off with the cake, and it completely falls into small pieces. The Cake that was Baked by Raimundo Fans start to cry.)

Ruwot: (Looking from VERY afar) Uh, back to the story, and Claya and Merijacker are trying to make the dress.

(The dress still looks horrible, but not as horrible as it was before; Merijacker is still the dummy; Raimundo is balancing on buttocks, shaking back and forth as he sucks his finger.)

Jack: Hey, Nose's waistline isn't this big!

Clay: Well, of course it's not, Mr. Tubby's accomplice!

Jack: NONO! It's MUCH smaller. Even for a normal person being the dummy –

Clay: But no one is as dumb as you, so that normal person thing applies as much as –

Ruwot: (Poor Clay, always getting interrupted so no one hears his similes…) Okay, and then JACK says…

Clay: (Getting pissed off) GR…

Jack: Well, even for a normal person being the dummy, this would still feel small to him, right?

Clay: Yeah, I guess you're right…Hey, how did you know his waistline anyway? (Starts to get suspicious)

Jack: (Starts to spaz out) Uh, uh, no reason! (Hides Omi's underwear he took in a panty raid behind his back)

Clay: Okay...I don't believe that.

Ruwot: So as I begin to host a very short show with a live audience that I magically made appear because I can, how does Jack know Omi's waistline?

Jack: (Starts to sweat really quickly) The reason is…(drum roll begins, Jack's eyes widen as everyone – except Raimundo still in a nervous breakdown – leans forward) I'm a Teletubbie.

(In a tenth of a second, someone throws a tomato at Jack as someone screams, "BOO!")

Ruwot: Aiya (Yeah, I'm Asian – got a problem with that?)…So the dress is made nice, and, soon, Claya and Merijacker start arguing over what the color should be.

Clay: (Angrily) My favorite color is _pink_!

Jack: (Angrily) My favorite color is _pink_!

(A few awkward moments later, Clay and Jack at each other in disbelief.)

Ruwot: Um, it seems like we have a problem here…

Clay and Jack: YA THINK?

Ruwot: For the sake of the story, just keep follow with the story.

Clay: Fine. (Starts to raise his wand and shoots the dress with pink) Pink!

Jack: (Does the same) Pink!

Clay: Pink!

Jack: Pink!

Clay: Pink!

Jack: Pink!

(Because of bad aiming by Jack – since Clay's a sharpshooter or something – the entire house is a mess, and Jack was supposed to be the one to clean up, but, being a dummy, he forgot. Raimundo, who has somewhat recovered from idiosyncrasy, frantically tried making a cake, and ended up making the worst-tasting and ugliest cake in the world.)

Ruwot: Just then, Nose burst through the door at a horribly inconvenient time. WHY, NOSE, WHY? (Starts to get nervous breakdown until Omi comes to slap him on the face) Thanks, I need that.

(Omi sees Jack, who is (apparently still) in a hideous dress, and Clay shooting blobs of pink at each other and at certain places in the cottage, and Raimundo baking a very poor cake.)

Clay, Raimundo, Jack: (Stare at Omi with a crazed expression and after an awkward moment, they scream) TA-DAA!

Omi: (Leaving to go upstairs) Who-never.

Raimundo: That's "whatever"!

Jack: Aren't we forgetting something?

Clay: Oh yeah. Nose! We hafta tell you something kind of important.

Omi: What is it, Claya?

Raimundo: (Takes a deep breath) You're really a princess and your real name has nothing to do with annoying nasal cavities and is Auromi and you have an arranged marriage with Prince Philitoho and you we sent away by your parents to keep you away from the curse of the hag Wuyeficent until your sixteenth birthday and we have the slightest defending power for we are really fairies. (Starts gasping for air)

(Just then, Wuya passed by the set holding a chicken leg and heard the entire thing and ran off.)

(Clay and Jack stare at Omi just in case he starts to breakdown as Raimundo keeps gasping for air.)

Omi: (Bored) I'm off to bed.

Ruwot: WOW! A real…shocker. So we see Prince Philitoho (the real Kimiko) returning to his father without an, eh, horse, and leaves to go up to their castle to call his friend.

A Normal Fat Man: Why, son! Aren't you going to tell me something that is going to trouble me until your marriage?

Kimiko: Nope. See you around.

Ruwot: This story just…keeps…getting…more…exciting…ZZZZ. Huh? Oh, what? Oh! Okay, then! We find Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker, and in between the three – somehow they got that to work out – walked Auromi in a cloak to cover the hideous –

Clay: (Glowers) AGH…

Ruwot: (Starts to sweat) I mean PRETTIFUL dress, eh he…In the castle room, the foursome locked themselves in to try to prevent Wuyeficent from getting in.

Jack: PHEW! Auromi, you can finally take off that cloak now that we are not in public. That dress is a weapon of MASS CORRUPTION!

Clay: Jeez, give it a rest.

Jack: Never!

Clay: Claudrio, let's beat 'em up!

Ruwot: While, uh, taking it outside, Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker neglect Auromi just sits there. Little does he know that fire that is burning behind him suddenly held Wuyeficent in its quick fingers.

Wuya: OW! HOT!

Ruwot: (Slaps his head) Anyway, she douses the fire without fire, and without Auromi noticing –

Omi: AH! Wudai Neptune – Water!

Wuya: AH! MY BEAUTIFUL THOUSAND-YEAR OLD SKIN!

Ruwot: CUT!

(Intermission)

Ruwot: Now we've got Philitoho talking on his cell phone, the two kings and one queen practically being cancelled out of the chapter, Claya and Claudrio beating up Merijacker, Auromi following an ugly green lipstick, and Wuyeficent creating the ugly green lipstick. Auromi, after walking in a trance hall after hall, stairway after stairway, yack, yack, yack, she was finally led to a television room…did they have televisions back then? Anyway, Auromi was about to turn the television on, like Wuyeficent was making him do…Hey! What does this have to do with pricking and spinning wheels?

Wuya: Oh, fine…dang antiquity… (Put a sticker of a picture of a spinning wheel with a prick on the "On" button)

Ruwot: Auromi, mystified, reaches out with her finger, pushes the "On" button, and with a dark chaotic force, turns on the television and, for some reason, a VHS player.

(Raimundo and Clay are still beating Jack up when they hear something.)

Raimundo: (Redundantly) Do you hear something?

Clay: Yeah…it's like…music.

(The threesome becomes quiet and listens intently. From some noise in the castle upstairs, they hear, "Do-do-do-do-do-DORA BAM! Do-do-do-do-do-DORA BAM! Do-do-do-do-do-DORA BAM! DORA THE EXPLORER!")

Raimundo, Clay, and Jack: (Horrified) Nose! (If you understand the irony and mediocrity in this, good for you, again!)

Ruwot: So Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker finally go try to find Auromi when they should have a _long_,_ LONG_ time ago, but like they couldn't save her from her bane, so it doesn't matter much anyway. Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker look horrified as they stare at Auromi staring at a television screen premiering the most evil girl in the world.

Most Evil Girl in the World: VAMANOS!

Raimundo, Clay, Jack: (Gasp loudly) YOU MONSTER!

Wuya: AHAHA! (Throws a ball of smoke at the ground; a few seconds later, she's still there) Oops. (Runs away)

Jack: (Sobbing) Oh, Nose! Why did we leave you alone? (Again with the joking)

Clay: Oh, yeah! That reminds us…

(Clay and Raimundo jump on Jack and start to beat him up.)

Omi: Dora…too…horrible…Make…it…stop.

Ruwot: Now we find Philitoho, running into the glade eagerly to find Nose (Again here).

Kimiko: I guess I have to go on this trip, don't I? (Slaps her head in a fake manner because she knows the story) I forgot my PDA!

Ruwot: Okay, fine. You can go back and get it.

(Kimiko runs back to get her PDA. She comes back.)

Kimiko: OH NO! My cell phone!

(Kimiko runs back to get her cell phone. She comes back)

Kimiko: OH NO! My Game-Pal®!

(Ruwot glares impatiently as Kimiko runs back to get her Game-Pal®. She comes back.)

Kimiko: OH NO! I forgot my –

Ruwot: I think you've stalled long enough, Philitoho!

At the glade, Wuya and her impish friends are waiting to trap Kimiko.)

Wuya: Okay guys, Phil is a no-show.

Imps: AAWWW…

(They leave.)

Ruwot: (Shaking with rage) When Philitoho has his PDA _and_ his cell phone _and_ his Game-Pal®, he goes up to the cottage, walks inside…and is in an empty room…?

Kimiko: I AM FREEEEEE!

Ruwot: Fine, but you have to go save Auromi now.

Kimiko: DAMN!

Ruwot: At this point, the three fairies probably have put Auromi in a blanket and made her hold an, um, plastic nose, and they have for sure have put everyone to sleep.

(Back at set two, Clay and Raimundo are still beating Jack up.)

Jack: SAVE ME!

Ruwot: (Slaps his head) Or maybe not.

(At the palace wedding, Master Fung and King Bot are anticipating the arrival of the two lovebirds.)

Master Fung: Because I have apparently not been put to sleep or anything of the sort, I will be expecting my daughter to arrive with that Prince Philitoho guy.

Ruwot: (Starts to panic) Oh, crud. Okay, Philitoho all of a sudden meets the three fairies Claya, Claudrio, and Merijacker as they quickly go to free Auromi, even though the three fairies are already in castle…so they stupidly come out in search of Phil.

Raimundo, Clay, and Jack: HEY!

Ruwot: They find him, and Wuyeficent somehow is back in the castle and covers it with vines.

Kimiko: Wudai Mars – Fire!

Ruwot: The vines are burned off. No duh there.

Wuya: No! This cannot be!

Kimiko: It can't?

Wuya: Well, yes it can, but that just adds dramatic effect.

Ruwot: With that, Wuyeficent becomes a fifty-foot ugly hag dragon and charges for Philitoho, who is now standing on a cliff.

Wuya: You can't escape from my grasp!

Kimiko: ("Accidentally" trips Wuya) Oops!

Wuya: (Falling to her special-effect doom) YOU DID THAT ON PURPOOOOOSSSSE!

Ruwot: Okay, that was a weird way to put it…but anyway, Philitoho runs to the television room to see a demented, stupefied Omi still watching the television…and holding a plastic nose.

Kimiko: (Sarcastically) Wow, how pleasant.

Ruwot: Now Philitoho reaches in for the kiss.

Kimiko: HEY! I TOLD YOU I WASN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS IT'S WITH RAIMUNDO!

Cake that was Baked by Raimundo Fans: WHAT ABOUT THE CAKE'S NEEDS?

Ruwot: Okay, if you don't want to kiss Omi, Chase is his understudy.

Chase: (Appears out of nowhere) YES! SAY YES! SAY –

(Before Chase continues, Kimiko grabs the hem of Omi's repugnant dress and kisses him.)

Ruwot: I will not continue to the part with the wedding, because it will surely cause a riot for they would be late. After the riot, even, things will get messy with a magic blob fight of pointlessness and messiness…how redundant again. So they lived happily every after. THE END.

_Whew! That took so long to write! Anyway, don't forget – I will not be continuing this story until 'Fight Fire with Wind?' is finished. If you want to see more of this story, then review 'Fight Fire with Wind?' and leave _no_ hints of_ THIS_ story or I will go slower! Don't torture the other readers. If you leave something nice, I will go faster and you will see this story continue earlier. This is Ruwot; I'm out._


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